Get to the “Real” Issue

Some may find this a bit, well, annoying or uncomfortable…but change doesn’t happen when one is comfortable, so get ready!

The 7 “Whys?”

What is it?  Simple. Start with a problem.  Keep asking “why?”, until you’ve gotten to where you can’t go any further, or you’ve found some interesting “hidden” information within yourself.  Obviously, it may not take 7 times of asking, but it is a great starting point. Here is an example:

I’m procrastinating…

Q:  Why do I procrastinate?

Because I’m stuck on using the tools I have here (on the computer)

Q:  Why am I stuck, when there people available to help me?

Because I haven’t asked for help

Q:  Why haven’t I asked for help?

Because they will think I’m stupid, I should be able to figure it out.

Now at this point we can go a few ways…  we can ask:

  • Why am I worried what they think? or
  • Why would they think I’m stupid? or
  • Why should I be able to figure this out?  (We’ll use this one to continue the example)

Q:  Why should I be able to figure this out?

Because I expect that I can figure out any computer application.  If  I can’t figure it out maybe I’m not as smart as I think I am.

Q: Why would it be bad if I’m not as smart as I think I am?

Because it’s part of my identity to be smart.  I would judge myself harshly if I thought I was stupid.

Q: Why would I judge myself harshly for being stupid?

(DING DING DING! We are getting there!) This is the core of the problem and you need to give yourself time to work through it. Eventually, you should accept this about yourself and come up with an positive affirmation to help you feel more at peace.

Here are some examples:

  • Even though I judge myself harshly for being stupid, I love and accept myself completely.
  • Even though I don’t know why I judge myself harshly for being stupid, I love and accept myself completely anyway.

We’ve gone from procrastination to an identity issue of having to be smart.  Each of these issues could be tapped into, but the core issue of what you thought was the problem will continue to surface and may create additional conflict in other areas of your life. You have to deal with it eventually.

If there’s more than one question from the answers, explore all the possible questions. This can only lead to feeling better and learning more about yourself throughout the process.

Let me know how this goes, girls! Good luck in your journey of all that is YOU!

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