Do you feel like your man isn’t meeting your expectations or giving you what you need? I know we’ve all been there, but have you taken a step back and asked yourself what you are really looking for?
If only he were more romantic, told you he loved you more, took you out more often, made you feel special, stopped leaving the toilet seat up….if only he ______, he’d be perfect!
Is there a difference between having high but acceptable standards and asking too much? And if so, where do you draw the line?
YES, there is a difference. Having high standards is perfectly acceptable when you are willing to give as much if not more than you expect from him. Where I draw the line is when you ask him for the world, making him prove that he’s worth it before you show him the best of who you are.
Now, let’s dig in and get to the real issue.
Let’s start with the idea that having unreasonably high standards may be asking for too much. I mean, if there were amazing men lining up at your doorstep, it would be a lot easier to decide if a few minor flaws were worth dealing with…but finding a good man can feel like a hunting expedition, and letting one man go doesn’t guarantee that you’ll find someone better. It’s a little bit of a risk.
This subject isn’t as cut and dry as we’d like it to be, but by answering these two very important questions, you may have a better idea if you’re asking too much from your man….
1. Are you making excuses to stay in a bad relationship by saying that your needs are not reasonable?
Are you in a relationship that has long outdone its welcome? Your man has checked out emotionally and it feels like you are the only one who cares? If this situation hits close to home, there might be a communication barrier. You may feel like you’re asking too much because he’s not responding when you try to talk, and it’s easier to stay silent than to sound like a nag. It doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed, but things definitely need to change.
2. Are you making excuses to get out of a relationship that has great potential because of your own fears?
One of the biggest relationship fears I hear about is being left after pouring their heart into a man. Often, women would sabotage a relationship by finding something wrong and continually focusing on it until it drove them to a break up. They don’t realize why they do this (or even that they are doing it) until they started to take an honest look at themselves and their dating history. Once they see this pattern, they are able to notice when they fall back into the behavior and catch themselves looking for things that are missing instead of focusing on the good things that these men possessed.
If you were able to honestly answer “no” to both of these questions, it probably means that you are in a healthy relationship with a decent guy who may have a few rough edges. Communicate your needs in a non-confronting, loving way, and see if he’s receptive. He may really want to work on it with you, and in the long run it could bring you closer together.
If he’s not willing to give you something you absolutely must have, be strong enough to let him go.