Monthly Archives: May 2012
You know you’ve asked yourself this question. Is he really the guy for me? Am I really the right match for him? As humans, we are always looking for intimate connections with others. We could be looking for an intellectual, sexual or emotional connection. So, how do we know when we have found that right person?
First thing’s first! In my personal opinion…it is extremely important for you to know who you are. What do you really like to do? What do you stand for? What foods do you like? Do you despise circuses? Things like that. Your partner has to be willing to want you with all your quirks and nuances. You are one of a kind and deserve to be loved for it. Never forget that, girl!
Another important factor is understanding the difference between want and need. When we enter the territory of needing someone, then a dependent relationship starts to blossom. Wanting someone implies that you would still lead a happy and successful life without that person, but it would be so much better if they were around. Ask yourself, if what you are dependent on in a relationship disappeared and was no longer available, would you still want to be with that person? If the answer is “no” or “I don’t know,” then you may want to closely evaluate your feelings for your partner.
Thirdly, we must lay our differences out on the line and talk about them openly. Core beliefs are beliefs that are set in stone and will not likely change. For example, your overall moral stance, religious viewpoint, the way in which you spend your money, the gender role expectations you have of yourself and partner, etc. It’s important to first self evaluate and then discuss your beliefs with your partner. After all, it is usually “irreconcilable differences” you see in the script of divorce papers. If you find yourself avoiding talking to your partner about certain subjects, this could potentially lead to an explosive argument once the elephant in the room is finally discussed. Don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner, remember you can respect their point of view without agreeing with them. If you are arguing on a regular basis, then you may find yourself in the need category rather than the want category.
“Our best match is supposed to be our best friend, it’s important to have most, if not all, core beliefs in common.”
Most importantly, ask yourself, what does your partner bring out in you? Do they bring out the best in you or the worst in you? If you are going to spend your life with someone, it’s important that the person inspires you to be the best version of yourself. If you are with someone that brings you down, holds you back from accomplishing dreams, or if you feel like you have changed for the worse since you have been with them…then it’s time to ask yourself why you are still there. It’s easy to get comfortable with someone and have what you consider “normal” start to skew. Take a few steps back and really try to look at your relationship as if you are an outsider. Even better, pretend like you are looking at your good friend’s relationship. What do you see? What advice would you give? Then, take your own advice.
Even more importantly, take a close look at your sex life. Do you feel like yourself when you are with your partner, or are you stepping outside yourself to either dissociate or please them? Do you feel sexual chemistry with your partner, or has it become a chore? Look at the quality of the sex vs. the quantity. Having a sexual relationship with someone is what differentiates us from friends and lovers. There is nothing more intimate than completely being yourself during sex and still feeling loved and wanted. Let it all out there, expose your insecurities (i.e., make-up free face, fat rolls, hairy moles, birthmarks, hairy backs, etc.). If you can be vulnerable with “your lova”, and feel 100% comfortable, loved and adored, then you just might be with the right person.