Bubbles

Source: piccsy.com via Heather on Pinterest

 

“Moments are like bubbles; some are big and beautiful, others small and delicate. They float and spin, bouncing off the wind to our amazement.

 

A prism-like sphere that reflects it’s surroundings– and in an instant POP; it disappears. That same bubble will never be seen again in it’s exact form.

 

The moments of your life are happening right now. They can not be replicated. All you have is that moment, that bubble, to enjoy while it is in front of you. Enjoy it’s beauty, appreciate what it shows to you.”

-Heather Marie

Get Positive!

 

Positive thinking is a mental attitude that radiates into the mind thoughts, words and images that are conductive to growth, expansion and success. This mental attitude will create positive and harmonious results.

Whatever the mind expects, it finds.

Not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. Some consider the subject as just nonsense, and others scoff at people who believe and accept it. Among the people who accept it, not many know how to use it effectively to get results. Yet, it seems that many are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gaining popularity.

It is quite common to hear people say: “Think positive!”, to someone who feels down and worried. Most people do not take these words seriously, as they do not know what they really mean, or do not consider them as useful and effective. How many people do you know, who stop to think what the power of positive thinking means?

Real life example:

John applied for a new job, but as his self-esteem was low, and he considered himself as a failure and unworthy of success, he was sure that he was not going to get the job. He had a negative attitude towards himself, and believed that the other applicants were better and more qualified than him. John manifested this attitude, due to his negative past experiences with job interviews.

His mind was filled with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job for the whole week before the job interview. He was sure he would be rejected. On the day of the interview he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shirt he had planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was already too late, he went out wearing a shirt full of wrinkles.

During the interview he was tense, displayed a negative attitude, worried about his shirt, and felt hungry because he did not have enough time to eat breakfast. All this distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently he materialized his fear and did not get the job.

Mathias applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way. He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the interview he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.

In the evening before the interview he prepared the clothes he was going to wear, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview he woke up earlier than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the interview before the scheduled time.

He got the job because he made a good impression. He had also of course, the proper qualifications for the job, but so had John.

What do we learn from these two stories? Is there any magic used? No, it is all natural. When the attitude is positive, we enjoy pleasant feelings and visualize what we really want to happen. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy and happiness. The whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even the health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall, our voice is more powerful, and our body language shows the way we feel.

Positive and negative thinking are contagious.

All of us affect the people we meet, in one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through our thoughts and feelings, and through body language. People sense our aura, and are affected by our thoughts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people, and prefer to avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

Try it out! In order to get on a positive frequency, some inner work is required, since attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.

  • Read about this subject, think about its benefits, and persuade yourself to try it. The power of thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping our life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange, give it a try. You have nothing to lose.
  • Ignore what other people might say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.
  • Use imagination to visualize only favorable and beneficial situations.
  • Use positive words in your inner dialogues, or when talking with others.
  • Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively.
  • Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it, and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. The negative thought will try again to enter your mind, and then, you have to replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you have to choose to look at one of them, and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively, and to ignore negative thoughts.
  • In case you feel inner resistance and difficulties when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up. Keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.
  • It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks. It might take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they will.
  • Another useful techniques is the repetition of affirmations. This technique is similar to visualization and can be used together with it.

Is Your Stressful Job Worth it?

 

Every job has some level of stress. We all know that and what may be stressful to one person may not be stressful to another. Only you (in all your glory) can really determine whether or not you find your current job too stressful. However, there are some considerations to take into account as you do and whether or not it is worth the stress.

Take a look at the factors below. If any of these areas are extreme or you are hitting remote stress in most or all categories, they may be causing you too much stress.

These factors include:

  • Travel
  • Outlook/Potential for Growth
  • Deadlines
  • Work in the public eye
  • Competitiveness
  • Physical demands
  • Environmental conditions
  • Possible hazards
  • Own life at risk
  • Life of another at risk
  • Meeting the public

Using the above criteria, you might be able to pinpoint exactly why you think your job is so stressful (or perhaps why it’s not).

Is Your Job Worth it to You?

Most people don’t need a scale to tell them that their jobs are stressful. If you are are stressed out by your job, it might be worth considering why you are stressed out, and whether or not it is worth it. The job of air traffic controller is generally accepted as a stressful job, but many people keep at it because it pays pretty well.

When deciding whether or not your job is worth the trouble and stress, here are a few things to consider:

Pay
This is the biggest one. How much are you willing to stand if the pay is good? Another issue, of course, is how much you need the money. In some cases, people are trapped in stressful jobs that they hate because they don’t have anyplace else to turn. It’s important to look for ways to take control of your financial destiny if you ever want to get out of these situations.

Benefits
In some cases, a stressful job may come with mediocre pay, but great benefits. If you get great health coverage, an employer match for your retirement plan, and a good number of paid vacation days, it can be worth staying on.

Autonomy
Your work environment, and the autonomy that you get might be a consideration. As a general rule, jobs with a high degree of autonomy spawn a sense of responsibility and greater job satisfaction.

Schedule
How often do you have to work, and what sort of work is involved? Do you wish that you didn’t have to put in such long days? Do you wish that you had a set schedule? Or a more flexible schedule?

In the end, you need to decide what makes a job worth it for you. There’s nothing wrong with being glad that all you have to do is punch in for eight hours a day, and then go home and enjoy some time with your family — without needing to think about your job. On the other hand, if you want more flexibility, and you look for something else in a job, you might be better off considering a career change.

The Balancing Act

 

A healthy life balance is not only essential for happiness and well-being; it can be a huge boost to your productivity and career/business success too. A well-balanced person has a far greater ability to focus attention and energy on attaining their goals, taking productive actions and moving forward in a meaningful way.

The big question is…What does life balance actually mean? What would a balanced life look like to you? And how the heck do we go about achieving it in the midst of our cray-cray schedules?

There are a few steps you can take to change what’s not working. This will help you get back some control and balance in your life. And once you start seeing results you’ll be better equipped to maintain that equilibrium. The key is not to try to change everything at once, but to make tiny adjustments over time and decide what works for you. Eventually you will have a whole new set of positive life habits and you’ll never look back! BAM!

Balancing Strategies:

Use the “off” button

Disconnect on the weekend. I hear the excuses already, but try it, at least for one day or even a few hours each night. Put the phone down and turn off the computer. Give your work brain a rest. Bonus: Spend the extra time actually interacting with your family and friends!

Trim, trim, trim

It’s a given that if your life is overflowing you will never be able to achieve balance and manage it all. It’s just not possible. SAY NO everything that is either not essential or doesn’t add something valuable to your life. Be ruthless!

Pay attention to your health

Seriously, girl. Don’t blow this off! You know what you need to do. Your health affects the quality of your life and your work. Trust me, you are far more productive and happier when you get enough sleep, eat a little healthier and fit in some type of activity. I don’t need to Facebook stalk you to know that!

Minimize toxins

By that I don’t mean chemicals (though that might help too.) Minimize the negative influences around you. Avoid toxic people (complainers, whiners, poor attitudes.) If you can’t completely avoid them, at least minimize contact and tune them out as much as you can. Surround yourself with positive, supportive, can-do people whenever possible. (I use earbuds at work to drown out a few “toxins”)

Spend time with YOU

Making time for you is probably the hardest thing to do for the typical overworked and overwhelmed person, but it is crucial for lowering stress, increasing happiness and encouraging creativity. Some things to try; meditate, write, sketch, do some yoga or simply sit quietly for a few minutes each day and do absolutely nothing. You can do it!

Relationships are important

Set aside quality time with your family and friends. Don’t just sit in front of the television, really connect and pay attention to those you care about. Make a date with your significant other, have coffee with a friend, play a game with a child. Really get to know the people around you.

Treat yourself

Get a pedicure or a facial. Better yet, schedule a massage (even if it’s from that creepy guy at work who keeps offering them to you…okay, inside joke.) It doesn’t need to be costly; a glass of wine, your favorite coffee or tea, a delightfully scented candle or beautiful flowers will make a huge impact.

Explore your world

Take a walk and pay attention to what’s going on around you. Take a new route, visit a new town or try being a tourist in your own. Attend a local performance, play amateur photographer or go to the park and watch children play. They really know how to enjoy life!

Expand your awareness

Take a class, learn to paint or try something new that you’ve always wanted to learn. Read a book that sparks your interest or try listening to uplifting music. Find what interests you.

Remember fun

You know, that thing that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. Laugh, joke, play, find your sense of humor, subscribe to a daily joke or look for Chuck Norris jokes on the internet.

Are You With the Right Person?

Source: google.com via Heather on Pinterest

 

 

You know you’ve asked yourself this question. Is he really the guy for me? Am I really the right match for him? As humans, we are always looking for intimate connections with others. We could be looking for an intellectual, sexual or emotional connection. So, how do we know when we have found that right person?

First thing’s first! In my personal opinion…it is extremely important for you to know who you are. What do you really like to do? What do you stand for? What foods do you like? Do you despise circuses? Things like that. Your partner has to be willing to want you with all your quirks and nuances. You are one of a kind and deserve to be loved for it. Never forget that, girl!

Another important factor is understanding the difference between want and need. When we enter the territory of needing someone, then a dependent relationship starts to blossom. Wanting someone implies that you would still lead a happy and successful life without that person, but it would be so much better if they were around. Ask yourself, if what you are dependent on in a relationship disappeared and was no longer available, would you still want to be with that person? If the answer is “no” or “I don’t know,” then you may want to closely evaluate your feelings for your partner.

Thirdly, we must lay our differences out on the line and talk about them openly. Core beliefs are beliefs that are set in stone and will not likely change. For example, your overall moral stance, religious viewpoint, the way in which you spend your money, the gender role expectations you have of yourself and partner, etc. It’s important to first self evaluate and then discuss your beliefs with your partner. After all, it is usually “irreconcilable differences” you see in the script of divorce papers. If you find yourself avoiding talking to your partner about certain subjects, this could potentially lead to an explosive argument once the elephant in the room is finally discussed. Don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner, remember you can respect their point of view without agreeing with them. If you are arguing on a regular basis, then you may find yourself in the need category rather than the want category.

“Our best match is supposed to be our best friend, it’s important to have most, if not all, core beliefs in common.”

Most importantly, ask yourself, what does your partner bring out in you? Do they bring out the best in you or the worst in you? If you are going to spend your life with someone, it’s important that the person inspires you to be the best version of yourself. If you are with someone that brings you down, holds you back from accomplishing dreams, or if you feel like you have changed for the worse since you have been with them…then it’s time to ask yourself why you are still there. It’s easy to get comfortable with someone and have what you consider “normal” start to skew. Take a few steps back and really try to look at your relationship as if you are an outsider. Even better, pretend like you are looking at your good friend’s relationship. What do you see? What advice would you give? Then, take your own advice.

Even more importantly, take a close look at your sex life. Do you feel like yourself when you are with your partner, or are you stepping outside yourself to either dissociate or please them? Do you feel sexual chemistry with your partner, or has it become a chore? Look at the quality of the sex vs. the quantity. Having a sexual relationship with someone is what differentiates us from friends and lovers. There is nothing more intimate than completely being yourself during sex and still feeling loved and wanted. Let it all out there, expose your insecurities (i.e., make-up free face, fat rolls, hairy moles, birthmarks, hairy backs, etc.). If you can be vulnerable with “your lova”, and feel 100% comfortable, loved and adored, then you just might be with the right person.

19 Ways to Organize Your “Hot Mess” Lifestyle

Source: zulily.com via Heather on Pinterest

 

While being a Hot Mess can mean many different things, being organized means being able to find things, not tripping over piles of laundry, and feeling less chaotic. It is a good thing to strive for, but it shouldn’t “own” you. Here are some simple ways I’ve found to get your act together and be less stressed on a daily basis.

  1. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Writing down and making mental note of your top 3 tasks to get done for the day will help everything else fall into place.
  2. Make an easy to-do list. Use tools like Toodledo to make mini checklists and always have it in the palm of your had through your mobile or tablet. Don’t worry about digging through your purse to find that scrunched up post-it note that you may have just shoved your gum into. We will get to purse organization on a different day. ;-)
  3. Keep a ubiquitous capture device. At work I use sticky notes, at home and on the go I use Evernote. It’s really nice just to get that idea or task out of your mind and onto something else where you know you can retrieve it later.
  4. Do one thing at a time. Multitasking is great most days, but it is best to finish what you start and get through as much as you can. It will make you feel like you accomplished more. If you’re anything like me, there are days when I felt busy all day, yet got nothing done. That is an example of a day full of interruptions and losing control of my time.
  5. Do it now. Don’t put things off. That will stress you out, girl! Get it done when it is fresh in your mind and then take that pen or stylus and check that bad boy off your list!
  6. Say no. You can do it! Set boundaries and don’t try to be the hero. Do what you know you can do and set boundaries for what you can’t.
  7. Use the recycling bin/trash basket. Organizing unnecessary items is wasted energy. It is amazing how much more in control I feel just by tossing out my trash, scribble posty’s and gum wrappers at the end of every work day.
  8. A (good) place for everything, and everything in its place. Get a trash can within arms reach of your desk, keep your post-it notes handy, get a pencil holder. Have fun with organization bins and containers in your home. Use organization as a way to showcase your personal style. Check out The Container Store for ideas. (OMG, I love that place).
  9. Put it away now. The single and most simple thing you can do to stay organized is to put whatever tool, item, clothing, bag, hairbrush etc., away immediately after using it. You will always know where everything is and you will never waste time looking for something.
  10. Keep a to-do list that syncs with your mobile phone (so you can add stuff as and when you remember it). And make sure every item has a due date. Both Toodledo and Evernote can sync to your phone.
  11. Change. It forces unimportant things into obsolescence. It brings down any method or idea that isn’t timeless. It brings up newer and more important things that you and others can’t resist anymore. Best of all: it’s an organizing tool that operates itself. You just have to embrace it.
  12. Take control of your time and priorities.
  13. Sort at the source. The mailbox is a perfect example. The only things that should enter your home are bills, letters and checks. Reading materials should go in your office or reading area.
  14. Color code. I’m a visual person, and I find that color-coding my lists and calendars minimizes the time I have to spend looking at them. This worked well when I was in school. I dumped every class syllabus into Outlook, and then color-coded every class period (blue for paper due, yellow for quiz, red for test, etc). It took awhile to set up, sure, but then for the rest of the semester I only had to glance at Outlook to get a very clear idea of what kind of week I was going to have.
  15. Write down, execute and clean up as you go.
  16. Bring back ups. Pen, notebook, tablet, computer, whatever! I always bring two ways to take notes just in case something loses power, breaks, runs out of ink or gets stolen by my unprepared co-worker.
  17. Have.. less.. stuff. Simplicity is key. You don’t need clutter. You don’t need a mess! Have what you need and constantly get rid of what you don’t use regularly. It is just “stuff” and has the potential to cause you stress.
  18. Delegate. Learn to trust people with critical tasks in all areas of your life. When you learn to effectively delegate tasks you actually find that it is easier to keep the stuff you can’t delegate better organized.
  19. Do what works for you. Whatever electronics or paper you use, make them work for YOU not the other way around. Does Outlook really have to stay checking your email every 5 minutes? REALLY? And, little Missy, do you have to be checking it every time it updates? Probably not. You’ll get a lot more done if you check it a few times per day.

Remember “You control your life.” What a beautiful life it is!

Find Power and Strength in Yourself

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            If you are looking for strength and power right now, something must be forcing you into a feeling of fear or hardship. Girl, you got this! We all have it within us, but many of us are unaware of how to tap into it. How do we reach this strength alone? What do you do when you can’t reach it? Use the power of intention.

Whatever you are faced with “in the now” moment, stay with it. Do not “run away” mentally or physically. Just look and observe whatever you are faced with. The first time you do this it will be difficult, then it will gradually get easier. Once you allow yourself to really feel the pain, face the struggle, or “walk through the fire”, you have nothing else to fear. You have nothing left to make you anxious. You just have “You”. Everything will be ok. It may seem overwhelming at first, to really face your fear, struggle or hardship, but after you’ve done so and learned the lessons, it is a beautiful thing.

You must find your own courage first, to the best of your ability, then you will feel empowered. Reach down, reach inward, that strength is still there as it always is. It is a river that never runs dry.  You just have to ‘know it’, to insist on it. Find yourself an empowering saying/mantra. Here are some examples of personal mantras:

“This day, this moment, I am Strong, Resilient and Knowing.”

“I am calm, confident and powerful”

“I am present now”

“I love myself”

“I am free from anger (sadness, fear, doubt, etc.)”

“Love is my experience”

Practice empowering yourself with something like this every day, as many times as you think of it. Especially when you feel doubtful or weak. Change any weak thoughts into strong ones instantly. You are your own enabler.

As you are probably both an empath and psychic sponge, keep your shields up. Surround yourself in a white light or whatever color you like! Also visualize rooting into the ground like a tree. Get your feet and hands in the soil, grass, and earth or grow some plants. Putting your hands in soil is great for grounding and feeling centered again.

Getting in-touch with that inner strength and power can be tricky if we’re not listening to our inner self as to what we need to be doing. Yes, listening is the key, and to listen you need to be able to quiet that storm of thought that is continually attempting to pull you under and drown you in worry, concern and what-if’s.

We are all healers, destroyers, educators, students, Devils….. Gods. Your actions will determine where you fit in at any giving moment. We are everything, and everything here we created. You just have to be who you are to truly understand/recognize this.

You already have the answers…but finding them may require some soul searching and re-empowerment. No one can solve your personal issues for you; they can only assist you in solving them.

“Problems cannot exist without the solutions.”

Problems are there to help you grow. You will not grow if you don’t face the problem. Remove the fear, fear is just a feeling to inform you of the unknown, to know… you have to interact.

Once you interact, you’ll be able to recognize what you knew all along and see for yourself that you just had a bit of amnesia.

Your thoughts will determine the outcome…so be optimistic when dwelling on the issues at hand. Negative outcomes come from negative thinking. Change your mind, change your world. Never let anyone place doubt on the ideas you feel will work. It might not work for others simply because they were not the thoughts of others. Their thoughts are suppose to co-exist with yours. So BE what you will and let the universe do it’s thing.

Get Your Body Ready for SPRING!

 

It’s finally here. The snow is gone, that little breeze feels good, and the birds are chirping; it must be spring. Your mind is ready, but is your body? Some of us may have spent the winter hibernating from fitness, but spring is a time of rebirth and a perfect point to revamp your exercise regimen. No need to worry. No drastic changes are needed. Small improvements will give your body a kick start out of winter. Here is the 4-step plan to give your body a spring tune-up and make these next few months pay off.

1. Turn on the ignition right away

Every morning for the past few months, the routine has been the same: You wake up to the sound of your alarm. It’s dark outside. All you want is 10 more minutes of sleep. So what do you do? Hitting the snooze button is so easy and seemingly harmless that it can become a part of your morning routine without a second thought. But those extra few minutes have negative side effects that can last throughout the day, right up until the trend continues the following morning.

By snoozing for 10, 20, 30 minutes, or more, your body starts the day off on a lethargic foot. It’s a feeling that can take the body hours to recover from. Plus, as the day ends, you will feel tired earlier than you would without snoozing. What are the benefits to waking up before that third beep on the alarm? For starters, it gives you an energy burst that will get you out the door.Without snoozing, you are getting better, more solid sleep that will keep you more energized throughout the day. The sooner your ignition is on, the better your body will operate.

2. Make small repairs

This is just a tune-up; we are not overhauling the entire engine! The key to making improvements is small changes. A simple and overlooked way to help your body is stretching. Many of us only view stretching as a quick warm-up before a vigorous workout, but 15 minutes are sometimes all that anyone needs. Stretched and relaxed muscles help all areas of the body: energy, circulation to joints and tissues, and strength and mobility.

Limiting yourself to 15 or even 10 minutes of physical activity will allow your body to ease back into working order. A 15-minute jog or a round of push-ups and sit-ups is easy to handle, and you earn huge rewards considering the time put in. Even tossing a ball with a co-worker, child or spouse will help implement those small changes.

3. Take care of the dirty work

Get excited about chores. Um, what? How could cutting the grass, trimming the bushes, cleaning the gutters and spreading mulch be activities to look forward to? Consider the following: if not for these chores, would you be outside and getting into shape, or lounging on the couch with the A/C on? Like them or not, chores are a great way to give your body a kick start on warmer days. Weeding, pushing a mower, and other activities are great exercises for your upper body, especially for building endurance. Plus, if it’s a sunny day, you can work on that tan for the summer at the same time! (Just make sure to wear the sunscreenwith a high SPF level).

4. Go for bursts of speed

Some call it cabin fever; others call it an energy jolt. It’s that random moment when you feel like running a four-minute mile, dunking a basketball, or bench pressing 300 pounds. So when this moment comes to you, take advantage. With the weather getting nicer and the days getting longer, the settings are just right.

The possibilities are endless. Jump on the bike. Throw on your running shoesand go. Pop in an exercise tape. Shoot some hoops with your buds. Even a game of pickle in the backyard! Don’t hold back. Go ahead and push yourself because that’s what your body wants. Of course, it’s important to warm up first and stretch, as well as to stop before the point of complete exhaustion. It may only take 15 minutes before you’re beat, but your body will be running on all cylinders and headed down the right track towards being healthy and happy.
Source: Joe Downie, Certified Personal Trainer and Fitness Coach.

Are You in an Abusive Friendship?

 

Have you been friends with someone for awhile, but somehow feel off about your friendship? Maybe things don’t feel as fun as they used to and maybe you’re feeling more down than usual. Could you be in an abusive friendship? Here are some steps to find out.

Instructions:

  • Compare your friendship with other friendships. What is different? What compares? Make a list of pros and cons about your friendship.

 

  • Question if there is any physical abuse. Things like punching and kicking are obvious, but sometimes some may mistaken physical abuse to teasing. Things like flicking, pinching, and grabbing are physical abuse and do count.

 

  • Question the mental abuse. Does your friend constantly put you down? Are you ridiculed? Think about your conversations with said friend. If you speak of things important to you, how do they view them? If anything you are passionate about seems insignificant to them, this is also a form of mental abuse. Friends should be supportive.

 

  • Do they go out of their way to hurt you/make fun of you? How often do they do it, if they do? In abusive relationships, this tends to be an everyday sort of thing.

 

  • Are they obsessed with you? Think about whether or not they stick around you constantly and if they become jealous of you being with other friends. Often times the other party can become severely jealous of “outsiders” and may try to wreck your friendship. This is not cool.

 

  • Do they communicate with you? Does this friend openly communicate yours and their feelings with you? Try to communicate problems with them and take notice with what happens. Most of the times an abusive friend will shut you out entirely.

 

  • Examine your relationship with this person on the outside. Think about it as a stranger would. Does the friendship seem normal to you or does it seem to be a destructive one? You decide and always trust your instincts.

 

Take necessary action to fix the relationship or walk away for good. Though they say most people never change their ways, one should always have a bit of faith in a friend. Try to make them open up and understand where you are coming from. It may take time or may not work, but know that it is always up to you to make things right in your own life.

Expecting Too Much From Your Guy?

 

Do you feel like your man isn’t meeting your expectations or giving you what you need? I know we’ve all been there, but have you taken a step back and asked yourself what you are really looking for?

If only he were more romantic, told you he loved you more, took you out more often, made you feel special, stopped leaving the toilet seat up….if only he ______, he’d be perfect!

Is there a difference between having high but acceptable standards and asking too much?  And if so, where do you draw the line?

YES, there is a difference.  Having high standards is perfectly acceptable when you are willing to give as much if not more than you expect from him.  Where I draw the line is when you ask him for the world, making him prove that he’s worth it before you show him the best of who you are.

Now, let’s dig in and get to the real issue.

Let’s start with the idea that having unreasonably high standards may be asking for too much.  I mean, if there were amazing men lining up at your doorstep, it would be a lot easier to decide if a few minor flaws were worth dealing with…but finding a good man can feel like a hunting expedition, and letting one man go doesn’t guarantee that you’ll find someone better.  It’s a little bit of a risk.

This subject isn’t as cut and dry as we’d like it to be, but by answering these two very important questions, you may have a better idea if you’re asking too much from your man….

1.  Are you making excuses to stay in a bad relationship by saying that your needs are not reasonable? 

Are you in a relationship that has long outdone its welcome?  Your man has checked out emotionally and it feels like you are the only one who cares?  If this situation hits close to home, there might be a communication barrier.  You may feel like you’re asking too much because he’s not responding when you try to talk, and it’s easier to stay silent than to sound like a nag. It doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed, but things definitely need to change.

2.  Are you making excuses to get out of a relationship that has great potential because of your own fears?

One of the biggest relationship fears I hear about is being left after pouring their heart into a man.  Often, women would sabotage a relationship by finding something wrong and continually focusing on it until it drove them to a break up.  They don’t realize why they do this (or even that they are doing it) until they started to take an honest look at themselves and their dating history.  Once they see this pattern, they are able to notice when they fall back into the behavior and catch themselves looking for things that are missing instead of focusing on the good things that these men possessed.

If you were able to honestly answer “no” to both of these questions, it probably means that you are in a healthy relationship with a decent guy who may have a few rough edges.  Communicate your needs in a non-confronting, loving way, and see if he’s receptive.  He may really want to work on it with you, and in the long run it could bring you closer together.

If he’s not willing to give you something you absolutely must have, be strong enough to let him go.

Coping With Stress at Work

Source: etsy.com via Heather on Pinterest

 

I felt inspired to write about workplace stress today. That is all I will say for now. :)

Some stress is a normal part of the workplace, excessive stress can interfere with your productivity and reduce your physical and emotional health. Finding ways to manage workplace stress is not about making huge changes to every aspect of your work life or rethinking career ambitions. Rather, stress management requires focus on the one thing that’s always within your control: YOU.

The ability to manage stress in the workplace can not only improve your physical and emotional health, it can also make the difference between success or failure on the job. Your emotions are contagious, and stress has an impact on the quality of your interactions with others. The better you are at managing your own stress, the more you’ll positively affect those around you, and the less other people’s stress will negatively affect you.

You can learn how to manage job stress

There are a variety of steps you can take to reduce both your overall stress levels and the stress you find in the workplace. Check these out:

  • Taking responsibility for improving your physical and emotional well-being.
  • Avoiding pitfalls by identifying knee jerk habits and negative attitudes that add to the stress you experience at work.
  • Learning better communication skills to ease and improve your relationships with management and coworkers.

Here are some tips on getting stress-free:

Recognize warning signs of excessive stress at work

When you feel overwhelmed at work, you lose confidence and may become irritable or withdrawn. This can make you less productive and less effective in your job, and make the work seem less rewarding. If you ignore the warning signs of work stress, they can lead to bigger problems. Beyond interfering with job performance and satisfaction, chronic or intense stress can also lead to physical and emotional health problems.

Signs and symptoms of excessive job and workplace stress

  • Feeling anxious, irritable, or depressed
  • Apathy, loss of interest in work
  • Problems sleeping
  • Fatigue
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Muscle tension or headaches
  • Stomach problems
  • Social withdrawal
  • Loss of sex drive
  • Using alcohol or drugs to cope

Take Care of Yourself

When stress at work interferes with your ability to perform in your job, manage your personal life, or adversely impacts your health, it’s time to take action. Start by paying attention to your physical and emotional health. When your own needs are taken care of, you’re stronger and more resilient to stress. The better you feel, the better equipped you’ll be to manage work stress without becoming overwhelmed.

Taking care of yourself doesn’t require a total lifestyle overhaul. Even small things can lift your mood, increase your energy, and make you feel like you’re back in the driver’s seat. Take things one step at a time, and as you make more positive lifestyle choices, you’ll soon notice a reduction in your stress levels, both at home and at work.

Get moving

Aerobic exercise—activity that raises your heart rate and makes you sweat—is a hugely effective way to lift your mood, increase energy, sharpen focus, and relax both the mind and body. For maximum stress relief, try to get at least 30 minutes of heart-pounding activity on most days. If it’s easier to fit into your schedule, break up the activity into two or three shorter segments.

Make food choices that keep you going

Low blood sugar can make you feel anxious and irritable, while eating too much can make you lethargic. By eating small but frequent meals throughout the day, you can help your body maintain an even level of blood sugar and avoid these swings in mood.

Drink alcohol in moderation and avoid nicotine

I hate this one, but it is so true. Alcohol temporarily reduces anxiety and worry, but too much can cause anxiety as it wears off. Drinking to relieve job stress may also eventually lead to alcohol abuse and dependence. Similarly, smoking when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed may seem calming, but nicotine is a powerful stimulant – leading to higher, not lower, levels of anxiety.

Get enough sleep

Not only can stress and worry can cause insomnia, but a lack of sleep can leave you vulnerable to even more stress. When you’re well-rested, it’s much easier to keep your emotional balance, a key factor in coping with job and workplace stress.

Prioritize and Organize

When job and workplace stress threatens to overwhelm you, there are simple steps you can take to regain control over yourself and the situation. Your new-found ability to maintain a sense of self-control in stressful situations will often be well-received by coworkers, managers, and subordinates alike, which can lead to better relationships at work. Here are some suggestions for reducing job stress by prioritizing and organizing your responsibilities.

Time management tips for reducing job stress

  • Create a balanced schedule. Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. All work and no play is a recipe for burnout. Try to find a balance between work and family life, social activities and solitary pursuits, daily responsibilities and downtime.
  • Don’t over-commit yourself. Avoid scheduling things back-to-back or trying to fit too much into one day. All too often, we underestimate how long things will take. If you’ve got too much on your plate, distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts.” Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.
  • Try to leave earlier in the morning. Even 10-15 minutes can make the difference between frantically rushing to your desk and having time to ease into your day. Don’t add to your stress levels by running late.
  • Plan regular breaks. Make sure to take short breaks throughout the day to take a walk or sit back and clear your mind. Also try to get away from your desk or work station for lunch. Stepping away from work to briefly relax and recharge will help you be more, not less, productive.

Task management tips for reducing job stress

  • Prioritize tasks. Make a list of tasks you have to do, and tackle them in order of importance. Do the high-priority items first. If you have something particularly unpleasant to do, get it over with early. The rest of your day will be more pleasant as a result.
  • Break projects into small steps. If a large project seems overwhelming, make a step-by-step plan. Focus on one manageable step at a time, rather than taking on everything at once.
  • Delegate responsibility. You don’t have to do it all yourself. If other people can take care of the task, why not let them? Let go of the desire to control or oversee every little step. You’ll be letting go of unnecessary stress in the process.
  • Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to contribute differently to a task, revise a deadline, or change their behavior at work, be willing to do the same. Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, you’ll be able to find a happy middle ground that reduces the stress levels for everyone concerned.

Improve Emotional Intelligence

Learn to Recognize Hidden Stress

Even if you’re in a job where the environment has grown increasingly stressful, you can retain a large measure of self-control and self-confidence by understanding and practicing emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage and use your emotions in positive and constructive ways. When it comes to satisfaction and success at work, emotional intelligence matters just as much as intellectual ability. Emotional intelligence is about communicating with others in ways that draw people to you, overcome differences, repair wounded feelings, and defuse tension and stress.

Emotional intelligence in the workplace:

Emotional intelligence in the workplace has four major components:

  • Self-awareness – The ability to recognize your emotions and their impact while using gut feelings to guide your decisions.
  • Self-management – The ability to control your emotions and behavior and adapt to changing circumstances.
  • Social awareness – The ability to sense, understand, and react to other’s emotions and feel comfortable socially.
  • Relationship management – The ability to inspire, influence, and connect to others and manage conflict.

The five key skills of emotional intelligence

There are five key skills that you need to master in order to raise your emotional intelligence and manage stress at work.

  • Realize when you’re stressed, recognize your particular stress response, and become familiar with sensual cues that can rapidly calm and energize you. The best way to reduce stress quickly is through the senses: through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.
  • Stay connected to your internal emotional experience so you can appropriately manage your own emotions. Your moment-to-moment emotions influence your thoughts and actions, so pay attention to your feelings and factor them into your decision making at work. If you ignore your emotions you won’t be able to fully understand your own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.
  • Recognize and effectively use the nonverbal cues that make up 95-98% of our communication process. In many cases, what we say is less important than how we say it or the other nonverbal signals we send out, such as eye contact, facial expression, tone of voice, posture, gesture and touch. Your nonverbal messages can either produce a sense of interest, trust, and desire for connection–or they can generate confusion, distrust, and stress. You also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send you at work.
  • Develop the capacity to meet challenges with humor. There is no better stress buster than a hearty laugh and nothing reduces stress quicker in the workplace than mutually shared humor. But, if the laugh is at someone else’s expense, you may end up with more rather than less stress.
  • Resolve conflict positively. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people and diffuse workplace stress and tension. When handling emotionally-charged situations, stay focused in the present by disregarding old hurts and resentments, connect with your emotions, and hear both the words and the nonverbal cues being used. If a conflict can’t be resolved, choose to end the argument, even if you still disagree.

Break Bad Habits

As you learn to manage your job stress and improve your work relationships, you’ll have more control over your ability to think clearly and act appropriately. You will be able to break habits that add to your stress at work – and you’ll even be able to change negative ways of thinking about things that only add to your stress.

Eliminate self-defeating behaviors

Many of us make job stress worse with negative thoughts and behavior. If you can turn around these self-defeating habits, you’ll find employer-imposed stress easier to handle.

  • Resist perfectionism. No project, situation, or decision is ever perfect, so trying to attain perfection on everything will simply add unnecessary stress to your day. When you set unrealistic goals for yourself or try to do too much, you’re setting yourself up to fall short. Aim to do your best, no one can ask for more than that.
  • Clean up your act. If you’re always running late, set your clocks and watches fast and give yourself extra time. If your desk is a mess, file and throw away the clutter; just knowing where everything is saves time and cuts stress. Make to-do lists and cross off items as you accomplish them. Plan your day and stick to the schedule — you’ll feel less overwhelmed.
  • Flip your negative thinking. If you see the downside of every situation and interaction, you’ll find yourself drained of energy and motivation. Try to think positively about your work, avoid negative-thinking co-workers, and pat yourself on the back about small accomplishments, even if no one else does.
  • Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things at work are beyond our control— particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.

Five Ways to Dispel Stress

  • Take time away. When stress is mounting at work, try to take a quick break and move away from the stressful situation. Take a stroll outside the workplace if possible, or spend a few minutes meditating in the break room. Physical movement or finding a quiet place to regain your balance can quickly reduce stress.
  • Talk it over with someone. In some situations, simply sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust can help reduce stress. Talking over a problem with someone who is both supportive and empathetic can be a great way to let off steam and relieve stress.
  • Connect with others at work. Developing friendships with some of your co-workers can help buffer you from the negative effects of stress. Remember to listen to them and offer support when they are in need as well.
  • Look for humor in the situation. When used appropriately, humor is a great way to diffuse stress in the workplace. When you or those around you start taking things too seriously, find a way to lighten the mood by sharing a joke or funny story.

Source: HelpGuide.org